the apartment will not be ready until next month. I am trying to go to las vegas for the month because it sucks being here.  I have been doing a lot of work on the self.  I have put together a dodecagon to build structure and given myself 12 points of commitments to achieve every year.  there are 12 months witch fits into the dodecagon nicely. 

I figure I am a leader because it is one of the only ways to understand why I am able to get sober and hopefully stay sober out of a lot of other people, specially my family. none of them are sober, NONE ! Here in treatment I am the only one who doesn't think going back to my lifestyle is a good idea.  I walk and self talk to get threw to myself what I MUST do.

so they are (letting)( i hate that part) me go to Las vegas for 3 weeks.  Its good because I'm done with this place, in more ways then one. but what will i do with my mom for 3 weeks.  she's a piece of work herself.  she smokes weed and it makes her very unstable.  I told my dad I will be there but I don't plan on seeing him.  I'm sure he is only thinking a car is what I am after, but he is wrong.  Iwant him to stop hurting me.  I can not tak hima nd my mom and my mom is (to be real) giving me mom money when she dies.  I know thats bad but at least I am telling the truth.  

so self talk is really coming threw for me.  I have learned about staying in my own head to much with AA meetings, the soul maybe being real as the emotions, and feelings, darkness being apart of everyones life, and over coming it with being THE GODESS OF DARKNESS ( i like that one a lot), and a whole lot more.  

I'm sitting here with this weak ass coffee trying to figure my time.  

So thats enough for now.