i'v found the dark spot in my life that is causing all the problems I still have to quite drinking in case there is more and to manage this one. Its pretty sad I can say it in public it would hurt to many people. The dark is still so much of how it all is. I want to cry but I'm not alone.  I wish I could explain my life but it's still too soon.  I have to be sober longer to see it and stay calm.  God  I pray I can do this.  As for treatment I have 449 days left. as it turns to 448 I wonder what I'm trying to do. live a filled life I guess. Go I gotta get this right. Sober then i can get my life together.  Maybe if I think about about sober life and Single life, right now its spiritual life. There I so much I want in on to my lifestyle Just to journal and vibe with myself.