so they say another way to do this online website is to focus on just One item. so It put me $150 in the whole to reopen my store and I did. And I kind of did by mistake. I went to open my store and they charged my card.  Sucks but I love the idea of having my own business. It's going to cost me about $200 total. fucked like always. 

My eyes always bug me. Like I already told you, I wrote letters to my family trying to clear things up, the did not go well. On another note I have figured out a few things to do when I get to long beach.  Meetings and volinteering in the lgbtq community.  going to AA meetings.  I have a few hotlines that i can call.  

Here is the plan It's going to take about 5 years to get my apartment where I want it to be.  I figure next month I'll by some big but non-expenisve items about $50 dollars.  Then to handle my food I'll by appitite surpressents, and a load of top ramen.  Its at least a plan - Right?

I don't know about keeping intouch with some of the women here.  I understand we are being rehabilitated. But a lot of them say they are going back to drinking and druging after they finish this program.  I have only seen One out of about 40 to 50 people who looked like she really changed.  She had a son and even tough she showed mental health issues and went back to live with her mother she worked to get her son.  She didn't look sorry for why she was here but she really did a lot to keep and get her son back.  She was the only person who looked like this place did change her.

I don't feel all that changed.  I've done a lot because of my grandmothers money.  But I have stayed sober, for about 1 year and 8 months and I have worked on my dept, and my income.  But for the most part I have only "planted seeds" that what I call it, to keep my life together and my ass out of trouble.  I look at the other girls and kind of say "get it trough in your head, because thats not it" "you can't be like them.  Eating all the time, sleeping all the time, talking shit all the time.  I haven't felt any of the women who want to keep in. touch with me are really worth it.   

I don't know its just how I feel.

It is kind of the reason I don't want to go to AA.  They failed, once and some of them are going to fail again.  I don't want to risk my growth around some one who might fail.