I've had to look at my life to see what is bugging me and I've like everyone I guess, have found more than one thing. Today I had another break through.  I realize that a person I've held close to me has be manipulating me with bulliing.  I know I'm spelling it wrong but oh well.  She's my sister ( adopted sister) Sarah.   She would be one of the only people who would read my blog because I think she sneaks around my life and watches what I do. But I don't care I'm cutting her off either way.  I'm realizing more and more that she's been a bully to me since we were kids. So what do I do about it. Well the damage is more than therapy because she has bullied her way into my family and has been in it over 30 years now.  I never realized she was bulling me. If I had I would have cut her off a long time ago.  But she used me and my friendship to get adopted and she has been a really bad person in my life for some time now.  I think it will take medications like anti depressents for a while for my emotions to heal.  I need anti depressesnts for my parents and my all of my siblings so I'm not surprised that a friend would cause me to take them too.  here is what the internet says about bulling. 

1. Be Confident.

PT blogger Amy Cooper Hakim tells us, “Bullies lose their power if you don’t cower. Deep down, they doubt they deserve your respect. They admire you for speaking with self-assurance and confidence. So when they bombard, don’t counterpunch. Rather, win them over with your strong, firm, courteous demeanor.”

2. Stay Connected.

PT blogger Signe Whitson writes, “Bullies operate by making their victims feel alone and powerless. Children reclaim their power when they make and maintain connections with faithful friends and supportive adults.”

3. Use Simple, Unemotional Language.

Whitson also writes that an assertive, but unemotional response lets a bully “know that the victim does not intend to be victimized. It does not seek forgiveness, but does not pose a challenge either.” (Because a challenge gives a bully the attention and sense of power she or he is seeking.)

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4. Set Limits.

Chrissy Scivicque writes, “The trick is to remain polite and professional while still setting your limits firmly. Don't let the bully get under your skin—that's what he wants. Practice your response so you're prepared the next time something happens and you can respond swiftly without getting emotional. Keep it simple and straightforward, for example: ‘I don't think your tone is appropriate.’"

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5. Act quickly and consistently.

Whitson further tells us, “The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the hold becomes. Oftentimes, bullying begins in a relatively mild form—name calling, teasing, or minor physical aggression. After the bully has tested the waters and confirmed that a victim is not going to tell an adult and stand up for his rights, the aggression worsens.”

6. Strike while the iron is cold.

Sometimes all you have to do with a bully is wait a little while. Rather than exchanging hostilities, step back so that you are not responding in the heat of the moment and meeting them on their own level. Cool heads find solutions more easily than hot ones. Besides, if you step back, they may do the dirty work for you. Rikki Rogers writes that, in the case of a bully using social media for negative purposes, “Never interfere with an enemy while he’s in the process of destroying himself. This is exactly what your bully is doing: marking herself with a big red flag. We may live in a world fully inundated with social media, but all truly professional organizations (and people) understand that this is not the mature way of acting in the workplace. So just ignore it. If your bully keeps it up, you won’t be worrying about her for long.” 

I haven't red it yet but I will. I just felt like I had to get this out and fast.  Its going to take therapy and medications to heal this.  That pisses me off the most.  I mean I could let it heal on it's own. She makes me feel like shit.  Now that I'm getting off this treatment shit I realize that she wasn't there for me at all.  She was sniffing around to see that I was down and how to enjoy my family while I couldn't handle things.  I think she is REALLY CRAZY and she spread that shit like a cold. 

the only problem is I don't know how to get her out of my life since she is IN my family.  I think she has turned my bother and sister againest me.  Wow how do I go on from this?

one thing is for sure.  I will!