Aww where do I start today.  Another day no free. What to do with myself. Maybe sobriety. No matter where I start my birthday is coming up.  I wish I was excited about it. In truth I kind of am. My father says that he might come out to Long Beach if I am there to see me.  The women here at the program say that they will throw me a birthday party if I visit.  I might spend my birthday alone if I don't plan anything.  

I'm so sick of this twitch I have.  When I was getting off the streets I went to stay at a house.  There were men everywhere.  The kept trying to have sex with me.  Because of my drinking I finally said yes.  One night two different men offered my rocks of crack.  I had never do it before.  But I was trying to keep up with what was going on around me.  I thought I saw a TV show about cocaine being on of the drugs that created immortality.  Being so in to that idea I took one of the rocks of crack and put it into a water bottle. I filled the bottle with water and drank the whole thing.

I almost lost my mind.  I ran out of the house afraid there were going to eat me and went looking for police. I jumped into a mans yard and he called the police. Luck for me he didn't press charges.  I was taken to the ICU and watched in case I died.  

After two ICU's I was taken to a mental hospital for more watching.  For two weeks I was watched.  I was medicated.  I remember it was Christmas. I remembered the place I was before I was arrested and went back there. The place was called Life Paths.  Piece of shit place really. The owner kept trying to sleep with me and now me being all doped up he got his chance. And did. I would charge him 10 dollars and a bottle of alcohol and the would pay it.  Then it was doggie style.  After about 3 weeks of this hell, he started telling me if I acted up he would put me on the streets.  

On the night I got arrested I was drinking. I went into the kitchen and tried to make stuffed bell peppers.  The cook came and started pulling on me and then called the owner. When he came we fought. He hit me over and over again in the head. Then he bit my finger.  I ran up stairs crying "call the police". I was set on going to jail over the streets again.

When I was arrested, again I kicked the police officer who was arresting me.  it was really bad. I was taken in and he pressed charges on me. The owner put money on my books (what ever that means) and I was told I was getting this program. Where I am now.  After about two weeks I started twitching. My right leg kept shaking after I tried to calm myself.  I thought I would be able to stop it but it's been over two years now and it hasn't stopped. 

A living nightmare.