I'll start this blog off with this is me saying good by to Codependency.  I can not do this anymore. Get into these one sided relationships where one person is thriving and the other person is suffering.  So It's very important to SAY GOOD BYE TO CODEPENDENCY!

Now on to these good by letter.  I feel like I've been a strong person for other people who have forgotten that they need to also take care of me back.  My Dad, my mom, and a few others in my family are really the root of this.  I'll start with my Dad.

Dear Dad,

I feel you have leaned on me enough.  Your always telling me I need to get my self together but I watch you drink and as your child I feel I have no one to really look at to understand what that means.  I'm taking a space from you no to "get my life together" but to stop you from tearing it down anymore. You drinking has taken a toll on this relationship and I can not continue to let you make me feel like I'm smaller than you.  You off all the letters I have to write are the hardest, because I really do love you that much. But I realize that if  I do not take space I will never make it. You drink and tell me to get my life together. like I said leaving me no one to look at for what it is to have your life together, if it evens need you to say I should get it together. I realize that your unhappiesness and drinking problem keeps you in this bad place in your life and you push it on me like I'm not supposed to feel anything. I do I feel bad.  You make me feel bad.  So I'm taking some space from you to get my self stronger and if you can not stop hurting me I will cut you out all together. I hate thinking that if you pass on your just going to leave some money behind and I've become such a bad person from never trying to accept myself and always listing to you that that is the only money I will ever see.  I'll have more money then I can count if I just believe in myself. and any you leave behind will be nothing. I will not let you break me. 

On to the next one.

Dear Sarah,

You have always treated me mean.  since we were kids you have been a bad person in my life.  I admit I've felt bad and in feeling bad for you I've gotten mixed up in feeling bad because of you.  You have said that you need time alone and you won't put up with my shit anymore.  Well know that your doing better then me I think it is a good time to give you that space.  If you never ment it if you you were always bulling me and standing in my life as someone I couldn't trust then this space will make it right and if I so much as see a little bit of a problem from you I'm cutting you off from being in my life completely.  I never recieve grattitude from you for the kind things I've done for you. and I've never pulled away.  But I realize you have stepped on me more because I never put my foot down about how you have made me feel.  its not my fault you don't have a good family and I think now that you have three including mine you should stand on your own.  You don't need me anymore. And Like I said if you have been bulling me and keeping me in a spot so you can be better Your out of my life. I won't even wait time telling you because you are not going to get another chance to hurt me.  I've tried to pull away from you before. This time I will stay sober and I will keep away from you.  Needless to say some thing is wrong and I'm not just interested in getting passed it I'm going to make sure it never happens again. I'm not to conceren with whats happened or how its happend, but that it is happening. If it's my fault and I should have pulled way sooner I'm making that right now.  I don't what to have anything to do with you from now on.  I won't be calling you, not on any special occassions or holdidays. I won't be taking your calls when you try to reach out to me and if you feel bad your going to have to deal with it on your own like I have.  So good bye. I've gone on long enough over this. I'm sure this is the right thing for me to do with this relationship. 

Dear Erin,

I'm sure you don't like me. Everytime you look at the scare on your face you know I didn't want you either.  We have never been close, but your fake relationship or what ever you call it is done.  You and I are not close anyway and I'm not interested in being close to you.  You don't have to worry about your daughters I'm going to stay away from you and them.  If we ever have a relationship it will be with out your fakeness. more to her latter.

Dear Jonathan,

You constant lack of emtion has left me to believe that you don't have it anymore or you do not like me anymore.  Which ever the case may be I'm taking space from you.  The last time i saw you you called me your half crazy sister. I think you are emtionally cut off from being a decent person and I'm not going to be the but of your rude disrpecte. I've always tried to be close to you and I'm sure you won't even care if I pull away. So I finally am.  Between your lack of emtional support  and your insulting me I don't want you in my life anymore. please do not call or reach out to me. 

I realize that this also come with getting sober in a family of substance abusers. It will be hard but I've done it high now I'll have to do it sober and see if I can stand on my own. I've already told my mom to watch it so I don't need to do it again. I think this is going to be really good for me.