I've seen some really good results on this stuff. I hate that I have to wait four months to take it. I should buy the drink and start drinking it. I am going to buy the pills and see if I can get two every morning.

other then loosing weight I have nothing to say. I get out in four months and the real reason I'm even writing is that I feel life typing. most of the time my mind is to blocked to type. I miss it. running my fingers over the keys and making something happen. its kinda of like art. But when my head is not working I just stair at the screen. I'm thinking ( here I am on the vinegar again) that I won't have to take the fat burnners if the vinegar works. 

One of the staff has covid. She's trying to work from home. She needs to give it a break. shit she's not that liked here anyway but I don't say anything. yeah I only have four months left of this mess. I'm moving in with my mom so I can leave right when my time is up. Its a bad idea and I'll be surprised if it works. She's just hard to live with, and by now I'm likely to be the same. 

I like being alone. lately I've been talking to myself and refering to myself as WE. I do think I have multipule personality disorder and it has not been diasgnosed. I think I'm just a drunk and I need to quite the drugs and alcohol. 

Some days are better then others when  it comes to quitting.   Lately its been really good. I find other things slightly interesting and have some energy to do them. Most of the time I'm suffering of some pain somewhere. My body aches and I think I'm just aging. I think the weight gain is hard on my body. I'm not even disapline enough to drink the vinegar! but I'll try. I do good with taking pills. well I take to much really but at least I do it. Take two vinegar pills in the morning with breakfast ( a smoothie) and some water. If I could do this for about 1 month I would have my old body back. I don't even need the fat burnners. I've gained so much weitght my ring dosen't even fit on my ring finger anymore.I'm at about 213lbs. from 120lbs. Thats about 100 lbs. I see it in my fingers face and toes. It came in jail from cleaning up from drugs. 

I gota bad feeling about living with my mom but I just really want to get out of here when My times up. I should hang in there but either way I'm tight for cash so I might as well try to get along with my mother. She's getting old and the women on her side die kinda young. She's around that age now. And she's said that she's left her life insurence in my name so the least I can do is make sure she's not alone. I think about how my bother and sisters don't share with me and when it happens that I might get that money I won't share. it might make them not talk to me but they don't talk to me now anyway.  Its like they have kids and don't have time for me. Well I hope when the time comes I stick to that I have a disablitiy and if i need that money I keep it. 

So staying sober is tricky.  I really don't think I cam do it. I want to drink all the time. but I think about it and it seems so weak to drink. hahaha thats funny. weak to drink. anyway. I can have a pretty good life if i don't drink. But it gets so hard to not drink. My hand gose numb and my shoulder hurts. my back hurts and my whole body aches. Then comes the headaches. I'm getting old and I don't want to. I've met someone who says he was able to stop drinking and he only drinks every so often.  The only person I've meet to say that. most scream they want to quite or scream they quite. I feel I'm a screamer of quiting. I hope. Well this was a good one but it must come to an end. I feel I could right a book (another one) right now. but I must get ready for dinner and relax. peace and thanks for stopping bye. 

Daysend