So I've made up my mind to drink. Even through its bad for me. there I reached out. again I'm not tired because I slept all day.  This place is two easy.  boring but two easy.  I just sit around and smoke all day The cold air feels so good in this hot room. 

This is what I am listening to with cold air and hot room mix. I feel enlightened. I don't want a man or a woman for that matter. I want another dog. and some more cats. maybe a bird. and some plants. I put some oil in my hair and its like aromatherapy. I tell myself that if I drink I will loose myself.  Its maybe true. Oh how do I live. How do I let go of the pain and just move on so I can be alive.  Beat my parents maybe or the best of them perhaps to ... Read more »

I lost my Dog. I guess I am running threw the things that hurt so I can heal and live my life.  One of the things I need to heal from is that I want to drink and its bad for me. What do I do now. My answer is yes I want to drink. I know its bad for me but I still want to do it. thats what it is. I miss my dog. a lot. She was Mine, my first dog. So sweet and fun. just a perfect little ball of love.  She and I loved each other I could tell. I lost her in long beach I think well I try to think someone stole her. That way she is in a home and I didn't lose her to something bad. I hate that part the most. I'm not a bad person. and even though I lost isis I should get stable and try again.  We used to get drunk together it was great. 

so Moving on I talk to the doctor and I'm going to take the gavapenton (how ever you spell it) in the morning. So I don't think about drinking so much.  I want to drink even though I Know its bad for me. Thats ... Read more »