I lost my Dog. I guess I am running threw the things that hurt so I can heal and live my life.  One of the things I need to heal from is that I want to drink and its bad for me. What do I do now. My answer is yes I want to drink. I know its bad for me but I still want to do it. thats what it is. I miss my dog. a lot. She was Mine, my first dog. So sweet and fun. just a perfect little ball of love.  She and I loved each other I could tell. I lost her in long beach I think well I try to think someone stole her. That way she is in a home and I didn't lose her to something bad. I hate that part the most. I'm not a bad person. and even though I lost isis I should get stable and try again.  We used to get drunk together it was great. 

so Moving on I talk to the doctor and I'm going to take the gavapenton (how ever you spell it) in the morning. So I don't think about drinking so much.  I want to drink even though I Know its bad for me. Thats what the final thought is on the subject. I'm going to drink. I met a man I will leave names out from now on because people have been coming to my website. He's very clingie. And freaky.  I don't know if I really like anyone right now. I'm just really busy with myself. My wedding only needs me remember. Then there is the love doll.  I might use my stimulas package on my wedding.  who am I kidding that is going to be on dishes and shit like that. Stuff to make my apartment nice. God I hope Isis just has a home. i hope two things even if it means I never get to see her again. She's alive and she has a good home. 

please god left this be ok now please Daniel let this be ok now please Isis let this be ok now.